, A Letter To Be Okay To

A Letter To Be Okay To

Dear Self,

And I know you feel sad sometimes.
Pain is easy.
Don’t be complaining.

The hardest part is not knowing anything.
Daily rituals hoarded with what if’s and maybes.
I wrote about it before.
I seem to be lacking my baby.
I’ve gotten myself lost.
Surrounded by. Trees.
I could chop it all down.
But I don’t quite seem to have the resources.
Adaptation to slight glimmers of sunlight through tree tops never seemed too difficult.
Because you just. Crank. Crank your neck back and stretch your eyes open from the dreams of them maybe being back next to you in your bed with their fingers on your naked lower back.
It doesn’t even feel like your bed anymore.
So just stretch. Reach and tickle leaves aside so that there’s a bigger hole to the sky.
Because you will be fine.
Keep reaching.
Keep going.
You can do it.
You will be fine.
I promise.
You don’t need to wait for rain.
I want you to beĀ embarrassedĀ about the rhyme, feel free to cry and understand your pain.
Keep your arms up. And keep tickling.
No matter how much it irritates your fingertips.
No matter how fast the leaves change colors and crinkle down into your eyelids.
Accept the tiny fragments as irritants. Understand that it’s not just wetness.
Doesn’t matter how long it takes, the more sunshine you can get, the easier it will seem.
For the time being.
Even if your smile is fake.
Don’t be ashamed of wet pillows.
And never erase memories from couches and side streets just so that it’s easier to function.
Never tell yourself that the smiling wasn’t worth it and that you shouldn’t have ever dreamt of anything bigger because of how big your heart had gotten.
And it’s okay for it to get bigger.
Distance and time will make it stronger.
For whoever.
Maybe just yourself.
You’re an expert at watching yourself in pain.
So mend the sting this time.
You’re not ridiculous for feeling.
You’re lucky, if anything.
Soak your pillows.
But please remember to keep reaching.
Yes, you get to be sad.
But you more than deserve to be happy.