WHY? In the WHOLE WORLD? Does anybody ever? Alter their life plans that they have so seriously set course to…….for a persuader? Denying this alter is what scared my last persuader. I’ve interacted with too many. They hinder your success and freedom and guilt you into believing that leaving your own plans behind for them was your idea.
I’ve been lucky enough to get myself out of this situation SEVERAL times, with the help of excellent friends.
These people, these persuaders, put you under these spells, entrance you with being “different” than the “others”. Although they never are. They are cheats. They tell you how dreadful they are at the beginning, so that when they are cruel to you later on, they can tell you that you can’t be angry. As though it was okay for them to treat you so terribly. That you should feel stupid for not expecting it. Now this is your fault. And you will always feel bad.
These things romanticize. Everything. And they don’t hold respect for anything above their power and games and “charm”. Sometimes they don’t even know that they play it. These things will break down without a human lusting after their “charm”. This will come off as depressed. Suicidal. In love. Do not fall for it. They are lonely and bored creatures and are searching for a beaten down emotional booty call.
If a person has ever caused you so much grief that it made you physically ill. Or made you cry for full days for a whole weekend. Or turned you into something you never thought you’d be. Or made you believe that you crying is your fault. Or left you like it was nothing, to go treat another person the EXACT same way as they were just treating you….that is not love. That is an obsession with one’s self and capabilities. That is a villain. Sometimes they don’t see it. Sometimes it is Jekyll and Hyde syndrome.
If one of these things leaves a person for you, do NOT trust that they will be any different. If they return to you, don’t think that they’ve changed. The only way that a person will ever turly be able to change such set, manipulative ways is if they go through therapy.
If you are with a person that you have never known to be truly single, purely by choice, and cannot bear to spend a single day alone without confirmation once of how marvelous they are, leave them. You will not change them and that it not your job.
Why people alter their lives for these things…… I mean, I’ve almost gotten trapped before. But I ALWAYS said, all the way through my senior year, no matter what my situation was, that I would start college single. Unless I had been with somebody for quite some time. But I always knew that if I was in something fresh or wishy washy or with a person who made me feel constantly like crap, I would go alone.
My plans are my plans. No thing such as the one the type I described above, deserves a part in my plan.
I have lied to myself. Told myself I was fine. That I didn’t really love them. That it wasn’t serious. But once they wanted me again, it was true. Destiny. But when they left for the millionth time in two years again, oh, no, I expected it, I don’t care, I AM STRONG HEAR ME sob my fucking self to sleep because I should have known-oh but they’re back so it’s cool, I’m cool, it’s fine, oh they waNT TO MOVE IN WITH ME AND COME TO MY CITY AND BE MY THING IT’S TRUE LOVE.
These things will not love you. They love Love. That character Love. The one that Petrarch always talked about. It becomes their life.
Stop lying to yourself. Stop giving them control and satisfaction and the strength to just leave you again. Because they will. I’ve encountered three of these kind, one that batted me around for four……five years, actually. And I currently know too many people running off with them.
In the ever epic and important words of Capote’s elusive Golightly:
“‘Never love a wild thing, Mr. Bell,’ Holly advised him. ‘That was Doc’s mistake. He was always lugging home wild things. A hawk with a hurt wing. One time it was a full-grown bobcat with a broken leg. But you can’t give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they’re strong enough to run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That’s how you’ll end up, Mr. Bell. If you let yourself love a wild thing. You’ll end up looking at the sky.’”
Don’t be cautious in your plans and your loving. Be yours. And always your first. And most importantly, be thoughtful and ferocious and set in your ways.
You are the center of the universe. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be here.